Tuesday, December 11, 2012


I think I'm getting old.
For my birthday I didn't have the usual treasure hunt for my presents. When I told my mom, she freaked out and made one out of all the socks she was going to give me that led to a box of chocolate. I also got some mp3s. I didn't get anything big and it was okay.
This year for Christmas, instead of having the usual surprises under the tree, I know exactly what I'm going to get because my mom made all her children write a Christmas list.
Today, after what seemed like hours of hearing sirens in my neighborhood, I finally heard some that were close. I had already gone outside in my pajamas to check to see if it was Santa, and I didn't want to do it again. As it turned out, it was just the truck just before the firetruck with Santa on it announcing to the cul-de-sac that Santa was coming. Since I was given proper time to get my shoes and coat on, I decided it would be worth it to see Santa one final time.
This wasn't the first time this year I had this dilemma. On Halloween I was torn up until the last minute whether I would attend trick-or-treat or not. My class on that Wednesday didn't end until 6:45 pm, and Halloween around here starts at 6 pm. I asked my mom when my siblings stopped doing Halloween, and they stopped when they were like 12. I couldn't help but feel torn. It was a decision to have one last year or not and regret it.
I didn't even have a costume, but then I had sudden inspiration. I got a black dress with spider web designs on it, a cape my mom made when I was a witch many moos ago, some black arm warmers I wore with my costume two years ago, and some black tights. I told my dad to pick me up from class rather than my mom so I could leave on time. I did a quick smoky eye for my makeup, packed my clothes in my dad's car, and told my friends that I was going to be late for trick-or-treating, but at least I was going to be there.
The members of the usual trick-or-treating party had been halved this year. As it turns out, one of my friends was also running late, so we were all able to leave at the same time at 7. I even had time to put on some black lipstick before we left. I had a great time, got a lot of candy, and regretted nothing.

Monday, December 3, 2012


This morning seemed to start out great. No one was home, the house was nice and quiet, my brother didn't leave one of his friends to sleep on the couch. Of course that ended quickly when my dad came home to tell me my brother got into an accident and totaled our minivan. That minivan was my one transportation to the community college.
I got really mad and upset. I couldn't help but blame my parents for being so lenient with him. This is the third car that he has wrecked and the second one that he didn't even own. My dad left to go to the hospital and I sat and stewed in my own anger.
And then I cried.
And then I baked brownies. This was my rebel yell. I declared that no one but me eat these brownies. Despite not knowing how I would get to school when my parents aren't home, despite all the time I spent driving with a learner's permit  was worthless, despite the fact that my brother has an obvious problem that no one but me sees the severity of, I baked brownies.
I didn't even want brownies. I just wanted something mine, something all mine that my brother can't ruin. Something I didn't have to share.
It was great to look my mom in the eye and tell her no, you can't have any brownies and no, I don't want to practice parallel parking. Driving sucks, mom.